Saving Your Marriage After Years Of Loneliness
It is heart breaking every time I hear about a couple making the decision to give up on their marriage and part ways. In most marriages, the decision to separate or divorce comes after many years of trying to work things out. There is so much pain, frustration and desire for just a little peace, love, joy and hope. Perhaps the following information will help you with saving your marriage.
I’m sure that you never imagined being married and lonely. For whatever reason, spouses sometimes become disconnected and end up having a shallow relationship. If you and your spouse rarely share any intimacy or meaningful conversations, I’m sure it is weighing heavily on your mind. It hurts to be married and lonely.
Do you find yourself pretending to be happy when on the inside you feel like your spouse has abandoned you? Well, I hope that you are prepared to use that pain and ill feelings to strengthen you and motivate you to keep your marriage. In fact, you should be striving to not just save your marriage but build the one that you and your spouse agreed to.
Saving Your Marriage And Ending The Loneliness
The first suggestion I would like you to consider is to stop blaming yourself or your spouse for the loneliness. The marriage struggle that you are trying to overcome is most likely as a result of a number of marital problems that need to be address. It’s ok to get an understanding of how you got to this point but instead of focusing on the problem I think it makes more sense to focus on the solution.
The next thing I think you need to consider is how much change is within your power to make to help end the loneliness and save your marriage. Please don’t think that by looking for changes that you can make has anything to do with you being responsible for the state of your relationship. What it means is that you are admitting that you are not perfect and thus might be able to improve some aspects of your relationship. It’s so much easier to change yourself then it is to change your spouse, so why not start with you?
- Perhaps make some changes in your daily, weekly, monthly routine to spend some quality time with your spouse. Don’t use the busy schedule you both maintain as an excuse. Lead by example and let your spouse see that you want to spend time together.
- Reduce the number of things fighting for your attention and see if your spouse is willing to do the same. With so many gadgets and social networks and cable shows it’s hard to get that quality time with your spouse.
One of the most important steps you can take to end the loneliness in your marriage is taking the initiative. Very often after years of neglect and frustration, spouses shut down and refuse to initiate intimacy or affection. It will never get better if you don’t try and try again. I’m not talking about just a physical connection but an emotional connection as well.
I understand that you can get tired after having your ideas and suggestions and attempts to rebuild your marriage rejected. It hurts on the inside and out. However, you can’t give up now or your marriage will fail.
If your spouse won’t snuggle up in bed with you, why don’t you snuggle up with your spouse? If holding hands or getting a hug and a kiss in the morning and before you both go to bed is important to you, why don’t you initiate it?
The final suggestion that I have is that you share with your spouse the things that you like, which helps you feel connected. Try saying “thank you for spending time with me today instead of (fill in the blank). If you really enjoy hugging and kissing, then light the fire and when the flame is on, let your spouse know how wonderful it makes you feel when (fill in the blank).
Please know that the marriage you have now that is frustrating and disappointing doesn’t have to stay that way. Don’t buy into the belief that it’s just the way marriage is or a leopard can’t change his spots. You have the power to get the marriage you so need and desire